Newborn Parents: Now What Do We Do?

Adjusting to a new baby can be an overwhelming task. You are still recovering from the birth. The baby requires "24 hour-around-the-clock care," and you may be exhausted from late night feedings. You are filled with a new sense of anxiety and you may experience depression. These are all understandable and normal feelings. Limiting visitors and other outside demands may enable you to cope with the challenge of being a new parent.

"Learning to parent is a long-term process. We all make mistakes... learning to parent results from learning from one's mistakes. You learn a lot more from mistakes than from successes." (Touchpoints, T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.

SPECIAL LANGUAGE--BABY SIGNALS

Your baby, as a newborn, comes very well equipped to "speak" a special language. This special language is her behavior. She sends signals to you to make her needs and wants known. These signals will come through in every behavior she demonstrates as you care for her. She is a good "teacher" and will let you know whether you are right or not.

"When you're on the right track, her face will be placid and content, her body will be relaxed, and her responses will be organized and predictable. When you're on the wrong track, she'll be disorganized and unreachable. She will avert her face from yours. She'll thrash around and be unable to get calm.... You may not know what to do, so try everything.... Over a surprisingly short time, you will learn what her behaviors are trying to tell you." (Touchpoints, T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.)

PLAYTIME

As a new parent, you may find it difficult to imagine playtime with your newborn who sleeps 90% of the time. Everyday activities offer opportunities for play.

Feeding provides a wonderful time to interact with your baby. During feeding she will start with a short burst of constant sucking. Very quickly, she changes to a burst-pause pattern. A burst of sucks will be followed by a pause: suck-suck-suck-pause. These pauses are a signal that your baby wants to communicate as well as eat. She is waiting for you to talk gently or touch her. This may make the pauses longer and feeding time more pleasurable for both of you. In response to the question "May I feed my baby by propping a bottle?," Dr. Brazelton responds with a resounding "absolutely not!" Every baby deserves to be held for feeding. Communication and closeness at feeding time are as important as the food.

Diapering is another opportunity for you to interact with your baby many times a day. She will enjoy looking at something interesting and listening to your voice during diapering.

Bathing can be another important time for communication. Many babies do not like to be undressed. You can swaddle your baby in a cloth diaper or hand towel after he is undressed to help him feel safe. Then lower him into a warm tub, holding his head up with one hand. The diaper or towel can then be taken off. While he kicks and moves about, talk and sing to him!

Reciting Nursery Rhymes can serve two purposes. It is a fun way to interact with your baby and to introduce him to language and literature. It is also a relaxing activity for both baby and you. Rhythm is comforting!

COMFORTING

You will spend much time and energy trying to figure out exactly how to comfort your baby. She will have her own special way to be held or moved in which she is comforted.

Most babies need a self-comforting pattern. They will need a way to fall apart and to relax. Sucking is a part of this self-comforting pattern.

There are two kinds of sucking: (1) nutritive sucking, which your baby uses for feeding, and (2) nonnutritive sucking, which she uses to keep herself comforted and under control. Babies comfort themselves with either a pacifier or thumb. You will need to decide which you want to encourage her to use as part of her self-comforting pattern.